


The Principality of Texas

by Tezca



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), Denny's parking lot fight, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, Strong Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23485774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: There's a fight down in a small town called Littlefield in the plains of West Texas
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50
Collections: Happy Birthday moveslikebucky!





	The Principality of Texas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MovesLikeBucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MovesLikeBucky/gifts).



There is nothing about Aziraphale that would surprise Crowley any longer. Nothing on God’s green Earth, the Universe and any other bloody kinds of Universe out there. He knew him for 6000 years so it stands to reason that he knew more details about Aziraphale than both Heaven and Hell combined. Sometimes it felt as if it was an obscene, invasive amount. But it can’t be helped. When two people spend a lot of time together, especially if they’ve only got one another, they naturally come to know each other better than anyone else. They knew what buttons to push and how to please the other.

So therefore, you can forgive Crowley for having thought he stepped into some bizarro world at this very moment. He stood there among a small crowd in a Denny’s parking lot somewhere in Texas. Specifically Littlefield, or something like that at least. He wasn’t sure, but the name was similar to Tadfield. 

(The reason our two boys are down in Texas was simply because they were on vacation and Aziraphale was in the mood to go on a food tour of America. Crowley only went cause, well, it was Aziraphale! How can he decline spending time with the painfully old fashioned, luddite angel whom he loves more than eternity itself.)

That didn’t matter though right now. What mattered was that in the center, a certain angel was squaring off against a guy. A big, burly cowboy of a man that towered over him by a good several inches. And that wasn’t the only thing that left Crowley agape, his sight forever locked at the sight in front of him. When they left the hotel earlier that day, Aziraphale had left behind his usual cream colored jacket due to the weather being the complete opposite of London. It was hot and sunny as opposed to cloudy and raining.

(And dusty too here and there. It was West Texas after all.)

Now he had a cowboy hat on. A black cowboy hat that he must’ve bought while Crowley took a nap back at the hotel while he went off to explore more of the little town.

His Aziraphale, his ‘loves sweets-likes to will the days away reading-won’t hurt a soul’ Aziraphale, looked like he was in an honest to God fight in an old Western. And damn if his angel looked...unexpectedly interesting in a sexual sort of way. He may or may not be cooking up an idea for a new roleplay scenario. But that was for later, it wasn’t exactly the preferred time to start daydreaming after all. Not in front of a small crowd of people.

Crowley watched as the two circled each other, his mind trying to come to the most logical reason as to why Aziraphale was a part of this. The angel wasn’t known to pick fights just to punch someone for no reason. That sounded more like him if he was drunk enough. Not prim and proper Aziraphale. It would have to be a situation where Aziraphale felt the need to protect. 

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Crowley asked out loud after a few more seconds of dumbfoundedness. The humans around him still cheered wildly, they whooped and hollered as Aziraphale expertedly ducked from an incoming right punch.

A young woman who had been cheering along with the crowd answered, “Oh Billy Bob, the taller guy-” She pointed to the taller man who looked like he had a lot of experience in bar fights, “-had done and went insulted the Englishman’s husband.”

It took a moment for Crowley’s mind to catch up, not that he’d forgotten that he and Aziraphale were married. It was just the whole implication of this whole new development and the events that must’ve led up to it. Aziraphale must’ve stopped here to sample some of the food at Denny’s and when he came out, ran into the other guy. The other guy insulted him along the way and here they were.

Crowley didn’t take his eyes off Aziraphale who deflected another punch in order to land a punch of his own on the man’s side. To be completely honest, the demon wasn’t too worried about his angel’s chances. He can handle himself, even in human form angels were still just that little bit stronger than a human in general.

“When did this start?”

“About ten minutes ago.”

That sounded about right. Crowley only arrived here just a scant three or so minutes ago. He was going to meet up with Azirapale at a cafe and was headed there when he sensed him in this direction. 

The woman continued, “You can place a bet if you like. I got a hundred ridin’ on the blond.”

Crowley looked at her a bit in confusion just as Billy Bob managed to tackle Aziraphale down to the ground. The latter’s cowboy hat flew off to the side, “You’re taking bets?” He was all for the idea of gambling. Especially when everyone apparently favored Aziraphale to be the winner.

The woman smiled, her Texan accent coming in as strong as Aziraphale’s English accent would, “Yep! Billy Bob known ‘round here as an damn fool who’s only skill is gettin’ drunk all the time and being’ a piece of shit so most of us betting on him.” She gestured to Aziraphale. 

Something about his angel being supported like this made him grin stupidly to himself. Crowley took a moment to watch before he glanced back at the woman, “Err, alright me down for 500 on Aziraphale,” Crowley pointed to the angel, the humans don’t necessarily  _ need _ to know that he was the husband in question.

The woman nodded and bent down to pick up another hat that appeared to be where everyone pooled in their money. While she looked away, the demon took the moment to miracle 500 American dollars in his jacket. He reached in and took it out just as the woman turned back around. 

Crowley dumped the money into the hat that was held out in front of him as he faced the fight. Aziraphale and Billy Bob were now back on their feet, the latter unfortunately had the angel in a headlock. But not for long, Aziraphale had swung up the back of his shoe hard and fast right into Billy Bob’s little Texas.

The bigger man yelped in pain and let go of Aziraphale’s neck. Aziraphale immediately jabbed his left elbow into the man’s stomach which caused him to stumble backwards down to the ground. The crowd cheered even louder and this time Crowley went along with it.

Aziraphale turned around and backed up a few paces as the volume of the noise around him increased. How can anyone inside the restaurant not hear the commotion yet he wondered. That was right before he looked up at the window. He spoke too soon, they have indeed noticed the fray. They were pressed up against the window with rapt attention. 

Crowley shouted excitedly, “Yeah come on Aziraphale, show that wanker who’s the boss here!”

Aziraphale turned around to the source of the familiar voice and was surprised to see the demon at the forefront of the crowd, “Crowley?! What are you doing here?” 

Because Aziraphale was distracted at this very moment, he didn’t notice Billy Bob had gotten back up to his feet. He looked more meaner than he had before, as if steam was about to come out of his ears. Someone yelled behind him to watch out. It was - thankfully - in the nick of time too since Aziraphale was able to get out of his path as soon as he turned his attention back around. 

Because of this, Aziraphale was still safely on his feet while Billy Bob was once again on the ground. This time on his front side as opposed to his back. It took half a minute before he stumbled back up to his feet. He shot a death glare towards Aziraphale.

“Well I’ll be damned, you sure got some fight in you for a little pansy from England. Chipped a nail yet?” He taunted in an accentuated voice.

Aziraphale stood his ground as he shot a reciprocal glare back. He didn’t let himself be bristled by the man’s insults and his intimidating appearance. He hardened his stance and, in his mind, came up with different moves to counterattack anything the man tried. Thankfully, the man’s sorry attempts at fighting weren’t that complicated. 

“I’ll have you know that looks can be quite deceiving,” Aziraphale shot out. 

“Yeah, yeah that don’t make you any less of one! We here in Texas don’t take too kindly to prissy little Yankee boys” 

Aziraphale felt very much affronted at that. Anyone sane and rational would if they were directly insulted like that, “Well that’s funny, so far from what I’ve observed, it is very much the opposite! And you are nothing more than a hooligan who gives the good people of Texas the most unflattering impression.”

(Crowley’s mind mentally took a pause and a step back at that last sentence, it was just the way he said it. The surefire, confident way that made him wonder why the angel acted as if he had lived here for a time. He was pretty damn sure that Aziraphale had never once thought about living outside of good ol’ England. 

He quickly decided he could ask about that afterwards. The most important thing right now on his list of priorities was seeing how this fight will go. And whether or not he should up his wager.

He totally did not even a minute later. Now he has 1,000 on Aziraphale.)

It took half a minute for Billy Bob to get what he just said, “Don’t you go actin’ like you know more about Texas,” Billy Bob warned as he yet again rushed towards Aziraphale. 

This time Aziraphale was ready, he watched carefully and as the other man raised his right hand, he assessed his next move. Suddenly when the man looked as if he was about to land a punch on poor Aziraphale, the angel nimbly moved to his left just as the big cowboy moved his fist back and started the motion. 

Aziraphale moved his right arm and deflected the blow. He quickly grabbed onto the man’s arm with a vice like grip while he moved and thrust his other hand back simultaneously. He gripped the man’s neck and, in a rush of adrenaline, he used his greater strength to push the man down hard on his face. 

In an instant, Aziraphale now straddled his legs over Billy Bob’s back. He had the man’s arm gripped tightly and his neck held firmly down by the other hand. 

There was a stunned silence for just a scant second before Crowley spurred everyone to chant his name, “Yeah that’s my angel there! Aziraphale! Aziraphale!” He cried out proudly. Then the two people on either side of him followed suit and before another second passed, the whole atmosphere around the parking lot was filled by a cacophony of ‘Aziraphale’ over and over. 

“Now you listen here carefully my dear boy, you are undoubtedly the most...hmm how do you folks say it…” He pretended to absentmindedly wonder, “...the most damned fool if you think anyone here would have the gall to completely believe the utter  _ bullshit _ nonsense you spew about folks like me and my husband here. I will have you know that I am proud to be The most Southern Pansy of them all on the planet!”

“Yeah you tell him!” Came a voice from someone in the crowd.

The man coughed in an attempt to let out a laugh in disbelief, “Are you dadgum delusional?! You’re not from the South!” 

Aziraphale would’ve retorted back had it not been for the sudden new voice that boomed through the air. It was the sort of voice that would cause someone to suddenly stop what they were doing. 

“What the hell in tarnation is goin’ on here?!” As if on cue, everybody turned their head around to reveal a new man not too far ahead. The owner of the Denny’s finally made himself known out here to break up the fight. 

____________

About twenty minutes, and a call to the cops later, Aziraphale and Crowley walked down to a used bookshop the former wanted to go to. We should also mention that no one had to worry about the man he just fought for a good while anymore. Apparently a warrant for Billy Bob’s arrest for a crime he actually committed a few months prior has mysteriously become known to the cops. And they just happened to show up right after the owner of the Denny’s restaurant did. 

Crowley held Aziraphale’s hat in front of him, “I got two questions angel,” Aziraphale took the hat and decided to put it back on. He teased, “You bought a cowboy hat?”

“I wanted to blend in Crowley. As much as I can anyways,” Aziraphale said, a few seconds of silence passed between them as they leisurely continued to walk, “You don’t like it?”

Crowley put his hands in his pockets, as everyone who considered themselves cool should do according to him, “No, no, its-ngk makes you look...err...rather tempting if you catch my drift.”

Aziraphale blushed as he gave him a warm smile, “Oh Crowley,” He cleared his throat, he’ll have to wear it more often then. If only for Crowley’s benefit in that area. And his too really, “What’s the second question?”

“Oh um, well what was that all about back there when you said about giving everyone else here a bad impression? It sounded like you came and settled down here for a while.”

Aziraphale blushed even more as his eyes widened in embarrassment. As if he just realized something big, “Oh dear me I thought I told you...I sincerely apologize, I never want to keep anything from you. Well, never again anyhow,” He stopped which in turn caused the demon to stop and face him, 

“Are you about to tell me you’ve been leading a double life here?” Crowley teased, but he was also genuinely curious now. If the angel had been indeed doing that, then it was so long it didn’t matter too much anymore in the grand scheme of things. Plus he knew for sure Aziraphale was in England by the time he started his 100 year nap. And for the time since he’d woken up from said nap. 

He knew Aziraphale wouldn’t leave him high and dry to live somewhere else without telling him. So he guessed that he might’ve done this during the time he was in a long term sleep mode. 

“No, no it's nothing of the sort really. It's quiet petty actually but...err, do you remember how Texas used to be its own country back in the mid 1800s for about 11 years?”

“Yeah I think so,” Crowley replied, a little unsure of himself. 

“And you know all of the Principalities are given nations to guard over right? Some of us were assigned more than one group of people to look after. I got the least amount, England and the Republic of Texas.”

If Crowley’s curiosity hadn’t been pique already, it was true now. His voice rose in pitch the way it always did when he was dead set on finding out new information in general, “Oh really? That’s an unlikely pair if I ever heard of any.”

“Well there was us stopping Armeggedon dear,” Aziraphale laughed before he continued, “Anyways when it became a state, I was to turn over the guardianship for Texas over to the Principality of North America.”

“But you didn’t obviously,” Crowley couldn’t help but let out a giggle.

Aziraphale nodded, “Yes. The form that I was supposed to have signed has mysteriously got burned up inside a fireplace.”

At this Crowley let out a stronger fit of giggles. It took him a few seconds to regain his breath, “And Heaven never bothered to do a follow up? I would think the leader would’ve kept up on that at least. Seems like it would be a big enough deal to keep an eye on.”

“Nope. The leader is as bad as the rest of them in Heaven in that regard. Never bothered to look too closely at the politics and going ons on Earth.”

Crowley let out a huff, “Doesn’t surprise me. So why did you burn it up angel?”

“Well, quite simply the North American Principality had royally offended me.”

A second passed before Crowley let out another small round of laughter. Now that was definitely the angel he knew, “What did he do?”

At the sudden recollection of the reason why, Aziraphale stamped his feet in indignation, “He greatly insulted William Shakespeare!”

Crowley couldn’t help but give a big jovial smile. He always loved seeing Aziraphale’s bastard side in action, “So cause of that, your full title technically is still Principality Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate and Guardian of England  _ and _ Texas?”

“Err, yes,” Aziraphale confirmed with a light blush. Even now, there was a part of him still not completely over what the other angel of his rank had said. He wasn’t one for grudges, don’t get him wrong, but there were very few things that had attained that sort of level. Mainly just greatly insulting anything he held dear to his heart more than one time. 

“And this other angel hadn’t caught on?”

Aziraphale shook his head and smiled, “Nope. All of Heaven is still under the assumption that I’m only in charge of England. Which is just fine with me.”

Crowley spent the next several seconds in a renewed fit of laughter before he was able to calm down, “Well, serves him right then for upsetting the greatest angel ever made.” 

Aziraphale beamed a loving smile at Crowley as the two resumed their walk.

“Indeed.”


End file.
